Lucas

[Bob Forman]

You may have heard many of these. Apologies to our UK members.

The Lucas Electric motto: "Get home before dark."

Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness."

Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper

Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp

The three-position Lucas Headlamp Switch-- OFF, DIM & FLICKER.
The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products

"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob....

If Lucas made guns, wars would be obsolete

Did you hear about the Lucas-powered torpedo? It sank.

It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law.
They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.

Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner,
"How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" He replied,
"It doesn't matter which one you use; nothing happens anyway!"

In the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners.
It was the only product they offered that didn't suck.

Lucas Quality Assurance advised engineering that they had trouble with his design shorting out.
So he made the wires longer.

Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas refrigerators.

Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone.
Thomas Edison invented the light bulb.
Joseph Lucas invented the short circuit, open circuit, and intermittent circuit!
A 3-in-1 British Patent.
Extra credit was awarded for "the floating ground", but was met with high resistance.

Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment:
Check the position of the stars,
Kill a chicken,
Walk three times sun-wise around your car, chanting:
"Oh mighty Prince of Darkness, protect your unworthy servant."

Lucas systems actually use AC current; it just has a random frequency.

Joseph's Mother claimed that he had very high potential,
but it is currently believed that Joseph had high resistance to this circuitous explanation.